In this life I am so blessed with many things. I usually play the role of a giver, a giver in many ways. I guess many of my friends will award and tag me for Mr. Friendship awardee. But of course not everybody have a clear intention befriending me. Others befriend me because of some personal or business interest. But we can always discern their purpose.
Anyway, as a generous giver, receiving something is a rare experience for me. When I receive something like a cup of coffee, a small token of gift especially to people who have limited resources, my happiness is overwhelming. If they only knew how they made my day. “And I am referring about the giving from the heart, and receiving something with so much gladness and contentment.” For me, even a simple thought from a friend, a call, a tap on my shoulder, a smile… is already a gift I may call. Simple in there ordinary ways but profoundly taken by me. Everybody can give their time, talent and treasure but not everybody have the authenticity to give from the innermost faculties of the heart.
Sometime, I tend to refuse accepting something for I am not use of receiving something. But my spiritual mentor told me that if you are a generous giver, you must be generous to receive also with a thankful heart… and why not? Where is this attitude coming from? Perhaps I am accustomed in my early years and life status to give than to receive.
Sometime, I am fed up of giving… giving myself, giving what I have, giving my time, giving financial aid, giving my heart… ah! Is this my role in life? And at the end I am left behind in the finished line. But I realize that this thinking is not healthy, it’s so selfish and self-centered. There should be a balance in every area of our lives… a balance of everything!
One time when I was taking a hot shower, I contemplated with this gift of giving. Why should I be exhausted with these beautiful and grace of giving?
The God in my heart speak so sweetly: My sweetheart honeybrisket (not my real name huh!) I give myself to you, I didn’t complain, I give all my time just to be with you and I’m so happy! I give my life, my all and I am so happy! Even, when you blame me, laugh at me, smack me on my face, spit on me, stepped on me, curse me… I continue to give unconditionally… because of one simple and grounded reason….. I love you so much! And He smiled…. grrrrrr!
Wow! What a grace! (Hello hot water is that you? Perhaps the water is so hot that it purified my mind from all these filthy egocentric thinking). I was humbled and started to ask God for forgiveness of being selfish and stupid. I am so sorry, I never thought of that. You gave me an overflowing blessing of resources both my “within and my without”. You filled my heart with good things that I may able to share all these graces. You created me as a gift for everybody and I will continue to share Your blessing and be a blessing. I will continue to understand, to reach out, to heal and to give. I am so ashamed of myself when I realized all these simple and basic truth. I look in the wind and remain still as I clearly understand the wisdom and knowledge of the gift of giving.
Sharing these thoughts is a small way of imparting myself, giving myself, and the abundant blessings that was given to me. And I believe your response with a smile, with comment or without comment, is simply called a gift that I am happy to receive. And I’ll consider that as your love letter for me. For the fundamentalist, I think they will never understand what I am talking about. Because I am not referring only to material things here but giving something that you have like… love, friendship, faith and many more.. Definitely you cannot give something that you don’t have.
And I am sure that all of us have the power and the grace to give with generosity and love. Even wicked people can do this simple thing. Giving with a heart… is not exclusive… it’s free and it’s for everybody…
P.S I took the picture above when I had my pilgrimage in Jerusalem, November last year. It is the Franciscan emblem of the hands of Jesus Christ and St. Francis of Assisi with the Jerusalem cross at the top-center. I believe the picture above is one way to simplify the “Gift of Giving“. Carrying our crosses and being crucified at via Dolorosa, as we hang a man on a tree in Calvary… and the only thing He did is ONLY to love us… nothing more! And until now and forever, that love is alive! All consuming, unchanging and eternal.